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冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
24 December 2012 @ 07:03 am

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冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
19 August 2010 @ 11:34 am
I miss having an uncomplicated life. I miss having a job. I miss Griffin not having to take all the financial responsibility. I miss being able to find things that I need. I miss days of having no worries apart from going to the kitchen and the bathroom.

On the other hand, some things in my life seem perfectly right, as though they're how they should be. Little things here, little things there. It's only a shame that most of the big things aren't as they're supposed to be, or else life would be downright skippy at the moment.
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
08 April 2010 @ 02:10 pm
I sent off a resume to a nearby hotel this morning, as they advertised that they're looking for a night auditor. They called me back half an hour ago to schedule an interview for tomorrow.

My fingers are crossed that I'll get the job. My mother's also applied for it and has an interview, but I think I have a bit of an advantage over her. She may be older than me (and thus appear to be more reliable, even if the opposite is the truth), but I worked overnights by myself in my last job, whereas she's only worked maybe one overnight shift to cover for somebody (thus she wasn't given any of the typical overnighter work to do because she hadn't been trained on it). I also have more experience making hotel reservations than she does, after my two and a half years working at Wyndham's call centre.

I think I'd enjoy that job. I have no doubt that it wouldn't just be sitting around and playing online for half the night, and that actual work would be involved, but I also don't doubt that there'd be some slack hours where I could read or write instead. I've dealt with the morons who think that I should kick somebody out so that they can get a room. I've dealt with prank calls, I've dealt with perverts. I haven't dealt with drunks being right in my face, but I'm sure I can manage.

Also, casaclyzm works nearby, so she might be able to come and hang out with me over her lunch or something, which might be cool.

But I just have to wait and see. Fingers crossed, and wish me luck!
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
11 March 2010 @ 03:54 pm
School cancels prom to avoid letting a lesbian couple attend.

This flashed me back to some of the really stupid rules in place for bringing friends to dances when I was in high school. (Back in the Dim Ages... Not quite long enough ago to be Dark, but enough has changed to dim the memories a little.)

Where I went to high school, people were allowed to invite friends from other schools to dances... on the condition that they were of the opposite sex. Yup, that was the big condition. Officially it was because if you invited friends of the same sex, you were apparently more likely to be a rowdy bunch and start trouble at the dance. Guys would invite their rowdy gansta friends from other schools, and girls would invite troops of bitches to come through the hallowed doors of SJHS.

Yeah, it's a large enough load of bull that I can still smell it today.

And they say that homosexuals have some secret and sinister agenda. Doesn't that kind of rule and reasoning sound like heterosexual propaganda?

I'd wondered even then what one was supposed to do if I, for example, had a girlfriend who went to a different school and wanted to go to the dance with her. The absolute and only solution to this would have been to ask one of my male friends (because I had so many...) to invite said hypothetical girlfriend for me.

Granted, my high school couldn't and didn't do anything to stop same-sex dating within the school. (Cass, isn't a shame we never got to go to a school dance together? XD) I'm sure the students did that just fine on their own, really, since I can recall only one openly gay student there, and he was in the fairly popular crowd and so had some level of protection from ridicule. And granted, I didn't exactly know a lot of students, so for all I knew, everyone other than my tiny social circle was secretly gay and I just didn't know, but I somehow doubt that. :P

And even within my social circle... Hooboy, let's tally this up. There were 6 of us, for the most part. I now identify as asexual and agendered. One of the group is now openly and happily gay. Two are transexual (ftm, preferring women as partners, for the most part), and one, to the best of my knowledge, is still bisexual to some degree or another. Only one is in a heterosexual relationship.

I'd like to think that this society has moved on from such blatant stupidity when it comes to sexuality and preference. Then I find articles like this, and I think, no, we're just as stupid as ever. At least SJHS never tried to do what that Mississippi school is doing. I can just see the headlines of the school newspaper now.
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
12 February 2010 @ 10:11 pm
Sad to say, I really haven't actually sat down and read this thing before. It's a lot more fascinating than I ever knew. I mean, I'm not even through the first two chapters of Genesis and it's already provoked half an hour of discussion with Griffin.

Granted, it hasn't entirely been deep theological discussion. Half of it has been comparing God to the King of all Cosmos, after all.

Take the following conversation as an example of how our religious talks often go:

Griffin: The King of All Cosmos is the Japanese image of the Christian god!
Me: "And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat." Huh. "To you it shall be for meat"? I didn't know God spoke Engrish.
Griffin: See!? Jesus didn't die on the cross for our sins. He just didn't roll a big enough katamari!
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
15 January 2010 @ 03:36 pm
I met my mother for lunch. Yay for free food!

I got a call from the temp agency saying they might have a 4-6 week position opening for me, possibly starting as early as next week. (With the rate of pay they quoted, if the job gives 40 hours a week and lasts for all 6 weeks, that'll give me enough money to pay the rent for 3 months before I run out of money again.)

A review copy of a new book arrived, so I can read and review it. (Can't complain at free books when all I have to do is read it and write a review for 3 or more sites!)

I stopped by a new yarn store in the Market and came away with a free skein of yarn so that I can knit product samples for them, which they will also pay me cash money for. The owner also took my number to contact me in case any job positions opened up, and seemed interested in having me teach classes there sometimes.

And I'm still on a high from helping out at a friend's store yesterday and getting a free bar of handmade soap in thanks!

Hopefully this luck will carry over into the gyoza and rice I'm making for supper tonight. :D

Today, thus far, has kicked some serious ass! I feel great!
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
22 December 2009 @ 11:08 pm
There will be a post about Yule activies later, but tonight I just wanted to mention something that struck me hard enough to be worth considering.

My religion. I'm pagan, with a heavy touch of univeralist unitarian, and a nice taste of Quaker in there too. At least, that seems to be what my ideals amount to, and what I feel most comfortable in considering myself as.

I thus dub myself a Quakerversalist Pagantarian! XD
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
03 October 2009 @ 02:00 pm
Some of you may have seen this on Facebook already, but I'm going to be running in the Children's Wish Foundation "Walk for Wishes" this year. If anyone has a spare dollar to donate, I'd appreciate that very much. If you'd like to donate, you can do so here.

I'll even sweeten the deal a little, just for fun. A $10 donation gets you a handknit scarf, in a colour of your choice. Not just a plain old garter-stitch scarf, either. I'll give it a nice pattern, make it a something you'll be happy to wear.

And not that I really expect to get donations this large, but if somebody donates $50, I'll knit you a shawl or a blanket, whichever you'd prefer.

I'd appreciate any help with this. It'll be my first time doing something like this, and I want to come out the other side knowing that I made a difference. My goal's relatively small, only $100 (the lowest goal the site would let me aim for, actually, because I'm signing up for it kind of near the last minute), but heck, even if I only manage to raise half of that, it makes a difference, and I appreciate it!
冬 - I'll eat some breakfast, then change the world
27 April 2009 @ 09:01 pm
Is Social Anxiety a Disorder?

I'm not going to dissect the whole article. If you're interested, I suggest you read it for yourself. robertsloan2 makes some excellent points about social pressure and the stresses of conformity that I completely agree with.

But for my own reference, I'm going to repost a few paragraphs here that strike a particular chord with me.

And stress related diseases are epidemic. This kind of aggravation gets treated as background -- as normal. People are supposed to just put up with it and then think it's somehow something wrong with them that they don't have a thick enough skin about criticism -- yet who can enjoy life when they're constantly under social attack?

I can't count the number of times when I get so stressed out about work and want an out and then think that I must be weak or whiny or lazy because other people can get through it just fine. What makes me so different that I can't handle it when other people handle twice as much for twice as long without complaint or issue? I've had unending arguments with myself over how weak I must be for not being able to handle it. I'm not even 25. What gives me the right to want stress leave when some people have worked for as long as I've been alive and have taken maybe 10 sick days the entire time?

And so on and so forth. I feel terrible for being so stressed over what I'm just expected to have to pu up with because everyone else does, and I hate it all sometimes.

Schools do a lot to create that conformity. The bullying system in schools establishes that group defense against bullies and the number of kids that live in constant terror of physical or emotional attack is -- the majority. Most adults too if they stop to recall what it was really like will remember times they couldn't eat or sleep because they were continually stalked or picked on by sadistic kids.

My experience with school bullying is that when the bullying is reported, the teacher decides to help you take matters into your own hands and to let make you stand up and address the perpetrators in front of the whole class, telling everyone what they did wrong and how they hurt you. The idea, I guess, is to promote empowerment, helping us help ourselves. All it did to make was make me afraid to speak up most of the time because I hated having people's eyes on me while I told everyone how humiliated or hurt I'd been. I'm being extra humuliated by having to stand up and humiliate someone else for humiliating me. I hated it. And I don't really think that it helped at all, to be truthful. It may help some people. But I think the people that approach would help the most are the people who aren't likely to be constantly picked on.

One really competent employee will recognize that he or she could do a lot more elsewhere and get paid better for it on top of that, or that the money isn't worth it, tells off the bully and walks out.

My freaking dream! If I could convince my workplace that they can get better use out of me if they stop making me take calls and instead let me focus on getting the database work done, I could be twice as useful and wouldn't have to worry about constantly being scored on things I'm crap on or fretting about losing my job. If they could learn to make better use of my strengths and to avoid my weaknesses that bring the company down, I think we'd all be happier for it.

Some people treat therapy or medication as punitive -- and disconfirm the person's feelings and troubles by suggesting they need medication or therapy or both, because what they want is the therapist to make that person conform to their group's expectations.

Reminds me somewhat of the therapist who dismissed my gender issues and when I pressed the issue with her, telling her that I in no way felt female and greatly disliked the parts of me that made me female, her reaction was to suggest I go hang out with the gay/lesbian community. Because gender issues automatically mean sexual issues, and I'm certain her goal in that suggestion was to get me comfortable with being the lesian she assumed I was, I'd stop hating my female self so much. Never mind that I wasn't a lesbian, and my sexuality had nothing to do with my gender issues. I didn't fit her mold.

It didn't help that I couldn't explain my thoughts and feelings very well, but she didn't seem that interested in pursuing the issue when I very subiously agreed to take her advice under advisement. Of course, she wasn't a very good therapist, and we now refer to her as the Crazy Frog Woman.

(Not 'Frog' because she was French and we're being derogatory that way. Griffin had a dream where someone called her the crazy fraud lady, and when recounting this dream to me, I misheard her.)

In a healthy culture, about 5% of the people don't really fit and would be happier in a different way of life. In this country, 25% of the people wind up with clinical depression and that is way too high a statistic.

I just mentioned that to Griffin and among other things, she commented that it doesn't help that we're constantly being told that we're not good enough. That's enough to make anyone feel like crap. Look at advertising. Advertising tells us that in order to be worth something, to be someone that people pay attention to, we have to be young, attractive, rich, and surrounded by friends. Therein lay one of my big problems for a while. I felt like I was going nowhere because I was approaching the end of my so-called youth, and my life hadn't taken off the way it does to people on TV or in movies. I'd experienced no great loves, I didn't have direction in life, I barely had any friends who understood me, and I sure as hell wasn't thin and attractive. And since modern culture barely has any focus on that stuff happening to people who are older than their mid 20s (unless you're talking about badly-acted soap operas where everyone's having affairs with everyone else), it felt to me like after a certain age, one which was fast approaching, my life would be over. What would be left but the same old humdrum crap that would bore me for the rest of my life, until I finally died and it was over.

I don't feel that way now. I'm in my mid 20s and I feel like my life is actually just beginning sometimes. The formative years filled with turmoil and crap are behind me, I have talents and skill that I've acquired that are helping to shape my world, and I've got plenty of time left in my life to keep growing and learning and doing what I love. It's a complete switch from what I spent so many years wasting energy over worrying about.

...some of the traumas are so common they get disconfirmed and treated as if they should not have any consequences, like childhood bullying and first adolescent love/heartbreak.

Reminds me of a line I read once in Mercedes Lackey's Brightly Burning. "First love is no less real than mature love, and first heartbreak hurts the worst."